INTERROGATION (VII): MOTHER IS LOOKING SO WELL TODAY

Very few people have attempted to create Grand Opera in under one page; more probably should. So let us draw your attention to Cardium Mechanicum's Mother Is Looking So Well Today, a world-premiere performance appearing at the June 3 Brick-a-Brac that fits exactly that description, featuring music by Craig Lenzi, book and lyrics by Ed Valentine, and co-creation by Robin Reed. They recently called us from their analyst's couch to share some insights regarding their complex process.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Mother says Grand Opera is the most pretentious of all Art Forms, but she tells us we should ingest it frequently because it's good for us, like Brussels Sprouts.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Mother says the only opera for her is Classic Opera, and she "doesn't go for any of this modern hoo-hah." We rather like Modern Opera ourselves – the works of Vanderschnoot and Schkrotum, in particular - but Mother is extremely fierce in her opinions and we're all terrified to contradict her. You have no idea what this woman is like.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Mother doesn't like us to talk about arms because they remind her of hands, which make her very nervous. Mother says 'don't touch yourself.' That's very dirty and it makes Jesus cry.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
The final lines of the libretto are in German. That's right: German.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Mother would never be Caught Dead at a theater festival (and in BROOKLYN, no less!) – so declaring any show a 'mortal enemy' is beneath her. Still, she's so offended by the title Between the Legs of God that she's written one of those Letters she's so infamous for. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
Our acceptance speech? All we're allowed to say is: "We'd like to thank Our Mother."