EXPOSURE (LVI): NYTheatrecast (II)

Apparently the forward-thinking visionaries at Nytheatre.com loved me so much last time that they wanted to hear more about the Pretentious Festival. I was, of course, unavailable for a second round (pretentiousness is three-fourths playing hard to get), so they turned to several of my compatriots instead, to wit: John DeVore (The Sophisticates), Bob Saietta (Yudkowski Returns), Art Wallace (Between the Legs of God) and Eric Bland (The Children of Truffaut). Shockingly, they are nearly as witty, erudite and incisive as myself in terms of delineating pretentiousness as an artistic strategy and validating the working methods of Independent Theatre. Leonard Jacobs (National Theatre Editor of Backstage and, as blogger, participant in Sunday's Impending Theatrical Blogging Event) moderates, and our own Trav S.D. (creator of Nihils) hosts. Listen to Them.

INTERROGATION (VIII): ROCKBERRY

Nick Jones is a playwright created by Jollyship the Whizbang, a well-regarded pirate puppet show featuring rock music. He penned Rockberry: The Last One-Man Show (a play), in what is arguably (if you don't count Shakespeare) the only production in The Pretentious Festival to be written by a fictional character. The all-too real Peter J. Cook directs. "Nick" recently answered our questionnaire regarding his show, which opens on Saturday June 9.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
The difference between my show and the other shows is that where others try, I simply am. Everything that happens is part of an energy that is constantly flowing out of me. The music you hear, the lighting you see, the actors when they speak, and the way they move, this is all part of my dream which I hope to share with you. But it is not a dream in the sense of a fantasy. It is the dream of showing Life as it truly is on stage. Because that's never been done before, and that is why I am very proud of this work. I think it's my second favorite work in my oeuvre.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
When I look back at different times in my life, they seem as if lived by different people. These other people are my heroes.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
I suppose because then they couldn't tap the ash off their cigarette into the ashtray on the coffeetable while still leaning back supinely in the armchair with a bored expression while giving up their time for interviews to buffoons.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
I will cite my favorite moment which we have cut from the production. A video camera feeding live to the giant projection screen pans slowly across the audience, then hones in on the fattest person in the room. We zoom in tight, then leave the camera on him while we start roasting weenies on stage. The show becomes entirely about food. We do not mention the audience member, nor acknowledge him, but leave his giant fat face on the screen for the remainder of the show. If he tries to change seats, there is a camera person to follow him. If he leaves the theater, we follow him out. The show is not about him, and it is not for him. It is about Questioning.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
I am sure to detest much at this festival. I have caught a distinct whiff of middlebrow from nearly every participant. And I should add: if you are spending your time reading this blog I truly pity you.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
I would keep it simple. I would just read a list of everyone who has ever doubted me, or looked like they were doubting me, and then burn the list, hold the trophy in the air, and laugh. And then spit on the ground, maybe. I think the strongest statements are the simplest.

EXPOSURE (XXXII): The New York Times (II)

The Old Gray Lady Who Sits Behind Her Curtains and Clucks Ruefully at Her Inferior Neighbors As They Walk By on the Filthy Street Below has once again chosen to expel some ink in the direction of The Pretentious Festival, this time under the auspices of Charles "Generally Off-Broadway But Flexible" Isherwood. Link is HERE; the full text, with usual addenda, to follow:

• And the most endearingly named theater smorgasbord of all [just try to keep this phrase out of our promotional materials] starts this week too. THE PRETENTIOUS FESTIVAL: THE MOST IMPORTANT THEATER FESTIVAL ON EARTH begins Friday at the Brick Theater in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It kicks off with a free evening, a cabaret preview of coming attractions [there is very little to mock or riff on in this accurately informative sentence]. Outraged at being called "egalitarian and unpretentious" by The Village Voice last year, the company's co-artistic director Michael Gardner has thrown down a gauntlet [literally; I was there], saying in a press release, "The Brick is as self-indulgent and impenetrable as the most oblique and experimental performance organizations in the city." Anyone want to demur? [A slightly better phrase would have been "Anyone care to demur?" Still and all, it's interesting that the Times has assumed that we take a pugnacious attitude towards defending our project, whereas most people who would choose to pick a fight with us about these matters will merely be silently scorned and largely ignored. Perhaps Mr. Isherwood stands to learn a thing or two about withering contempt. We offer lessons, and at very reasonable rates.]

ERRATA

The patriotic weekend left us too aloof to return to our keyboards and pen pretentious missives; as such, with the Festival opening a mere three days hence (!), we will work overtime to burn you out with extensive postings, the likes of which you have never seen before. We begin with a page of errata. All of the f0llowing is reflected at the Pretentious Festival’s home page, which is and will remain the most up-to-date authority on any and all matters pertaining to the Pretentious Festival. Check regularly, if only because it’s THE place to see and be seen…

• It is with regrets that we announce the withdrawal of Project 365 from the Pretentious Festival roster, for personal reasons. We wish Miriam Daly all the best, and look forward to hosting her at The Brick at some point in the near future.

• Simultaneous Reciprocal has changed its Brick presence from two performances mid-Festival to a one-time-only slot at Brick-a-Brac on Sun 6/3 at 7pm, so change your calendars accordingly.

• The Sophisticates has downgraded its status from a full production to two exquisitely staged readings during its original two performance slots. More information to follow.

EXPOSURE (XVII): ICELANDAIR

To prove that our pretentious credentials have spread worldwide, we turn your attention to this dispatch from the frozen-yet-steamy North. I particularly enjoy their willingness to join in our fundraising efforts, though as of this writing we have yet to see króna one.

INTERROGATION (VII): MOTHER IS LOOKING SO WELL TODAY

Very few people have attempted to create Grand Opera in under one page; more probably should. So let us draw your attention to Cardium Mechanicum's Mother Is Looking So Well Today, a world-premiere performance appearing at the June 3 Brick-a-Brac that fits exactly that description, featuring music by Craig Lenzi, book and lyrics by Ed Valentine, and co-creation by Robin Reed. They recently called us from their analyst's couch to share some insights regarding their complex process.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Mother says Grand Opera is the most pretentious of all Art Forms, but she tells us we should ingest it frequently because it's good for us, like Brussels Sprouts.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Mother says the only opera for her is Classic Opera, and she "doesn't go for any of this modern hoo-hah." We rather like Modern Opera ourselves – the works of Vanderschnoot and Schkrotum, in particular - but Mother is extremely fierce in her opinions and we're all terrified to contradict her. You have no idea what this woman is like.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Mother doesn't like us to talk about arms because they remind her of hands, which make her very nervous. Mother says 'don't touch yourself.' That's very dirty and it makes Jesus cry.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
The final lines of the libretto are in German. That's right: German.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Mother would never be Caught Dead at a theater festival (and in BROOKLYN, no less!) – so declaring any show a 'mortal enemy' is beneath her. Still, she's so offended by the title Between the Legs of God that she's written one of those Letters she's so infamous for. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
Our acceptance speech? All we're allowed to say is: "We'd like to thank Our Mother."

ILLUSTRATION (V)

If this photo doesn't receive captions, I'll hold my breath until my hair turns blue...

INTERROGATION (VI): THE SOPHISTICATES

When not incarcerated, Sirius radio host John DeVore writes plays. What kind of plays? Sophisticated ones. Like The Sophisticates, which opens on June 1. We caught up with John at a recent parole hearing to find out what he has to say about the Pretentious process.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
It's not "pretentious." It is sincere. My play, The Sophisticates, is a profound work of art that nibbles at the nerve endings of the self-conscious, like a melancholy incubus with a liberal arts degree. While the other shows in the festival aspire to "pretentiousness," my show strives to molest the unknowable, and thereby, I hope to achieve artistic sublimity; I am happy to let my so-called "colleagues" rut in their collective creative feces, pining for validation from the press and the artistic elite, while I lurch, from the clutch of the metaphysical grave, to stroke the cheek of God

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Jerzy Grotowski. Michel Foucault. Michael Gardner.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Long arms are important, especially if one's artistic cock is giraffe-like.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
Once you are all dead, you'll understand how brilliant I was and am.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Hamlet is for fuckwads. Poeta nascitur, non fit.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
"John DeVore ... has asked me to tell you, in a very long speech which I cannot share with you presently—because of time—but I will be glad to share with the press afterward—that he must... very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award. And the reason for this being... are the treatment of American Indians today by the theater industry… excuse me… and on stage, and also the recent happenings at Wounded Knee. I beg at this time that I have not intruded upon this evening and that we will, in the future…our hearts and our understanding will meet with love and generosity. Thank you on behalf of John DeVore." – To be delivered by John DeVore's humble servant, RJ Tolan.

ILLUSTRATION (IV)

This one features Brick Associate Artistic Director Hope Cartelli, and is simply begging for a caption. Get to it, Pretentiouslings!

INTERROGATION (V): BETWEEN THE LEGS OF GOD

Art Wallace, writer/director of Between the Legs of God (opening Sat 6/2) is many things to many people, but mostly he is the deity of Squark-7, a sub-molecular civilization located beneath the nail of his left index finger (so much for the title of his show). Taking a break from his duties, he deigns to answer our questions.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
I like to think of myself as a rebel, an outsider if you will. I go against the grain and don't find myself on the heavily trod path of mundanity. Like Fonzie I say, "Hey that's not cool," or "That is definitely not cool." I think you get my drift/meaning. So here I am, out here, avant, seeking the new and challenging not so easy way to reinvent the wheel... hell, I guess I just don't care what people say in their plastic worlds.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Billy Jack

The late Roland Barthes once wrote “For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture.” Explicate.
Could King Kong strike out Godzilla? Kong would have the advantage of a forty foot high strike zone. But it would be very narrow because of Godzilla's tiny arms. On the other hand, I can't picture Godzilla getting around on an inside low breaking ball. So I would say no, King Kong could not strike out Godzilla, and on top of that I would predict a walk to first or hit by pitch would be the most likely outcome of Kong's constant chin music. The only way I could be wrong is if Godzila would get excited and swing at the cheese.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
The video projection of an entirely different play on top of the live play including canned audience and bows.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Interview With an Author or whatever it is called. I met this guy Matt, and he said hello to me and he seemed like a nice enough guy. And then I realized he was evil and wanted all other shows to fail. I don't know how I knew, I just knew. For the sake of all the other Pretentious Fest participants, I am sure God wants me to hate/thwart him and his "show." There I said it, it's on!

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
I like to think of myself as a rebel, an outsider if you will. I go against the grain and don't find myself on the heavily trod path of mundanity. Like Fonzie I say, "Hey that's not cool," or "That is definitely not cool." I think you get my drift/meaning. So here I am, out here, avant, seeking the new and challenging not so easy way to reinvent the wheel... hell, I guess I just don't care what people say in their plastic worlds.

EXPOSURE (IV): TIME OUT BLOG

David Cote introduces the masses to our event at the Time Out blog today under the headline "For those who wouldn't be caught dead at a summer theater festival." Perhaps true, David, but we also wouldn't be caught dead presenting such OBVIOUS pretentious clip art as that which you used in your entry. Our own imagery is far too advanced for a populist rag like TONY.

EXPOSURE (II): NYTHEATRECAST

For those of you who have never heard me blather on at end about topics theatrical, your luck is about to change. I was recently interviewed by Michael Criscuolo for an installment of the Nytheatrecast, on the subject of The Pretentious Festival and various shows appertaining thereto. Listen to it HERE. Bonus points for anyone who can point out my embarrassing (and repeated) mispronunciation of a word crucial to the theme of one of the Festival shows!

ILLUSTRATION (III)

Ooh! Ooh! I figured it out! A CAPTION CONTEST! Like the New Yorker, only more pretentious. Take the time to leave a comment featuring your ideal caption for this photograph. The winner will receive a stuffy nod of approval and the right not to be made fun of during the next go-round.

EXPOSURE (I): THE NEW YORK TIMES

In Sunday's issue of the New York Times, there is a section called Summer Stages. Since The Pretentious Festival takes place in the summer, it is listed and expounded upon, thanks to one Jason Zinoman. We will reproduce the text (with addenda), but we also encourage you to visit it in its native habitat HERE.

• THE PRETENTIOUS FESTIVAL Williamsburg, Brooklyn, June 1-30 [sic]. Does any company (outside of Les Freres Corbusier) market its shows better than the Brick Theater? [No.] This outfit understands the first rule of getting attention: You got to have a gimmick. [To refer to our creative decisions in this manner diminishes our unique achievement.] The last two summers have brought us the $ellout Festival and the Moral Values Festival, but this year they may have topped themselves [inevitably], ironically (I think) [wrong] embracing the black-turtleneck-wearing aesthete inside us all [actually, only in those of us who are special, talented and intelligent enough]. The shows include the self-explanatory “Macbeth Without Words”; “The Children of Truffaut,” about ’70s art house cinema; and John DeVore’s “Sophisticates,” about two self-important bloggers [a rare breed indeed]. In his press release, the co-artistic director, Michael Gardner, boasts, “The Brick is as self-indulgent and impenetrable as the most oblique and experimental performance organizations in the city.” [Duh.] Them’s fighting words. [See you in the ring, Mr. Zinoman!] (212) 352-3101, bricktheater.com/pretentious.

INTERROGATION (IV): INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

Matthew Freeman is a writer, a blogger, a lover, a fighter, a graduate of the Sorbonne, a smoker, a joker, a midnight toker, a member of the American Enterprise Institute, and a blogger. He performs in his own Pretentious Festival show, Interview With the Author (directed by Kyle Ancowitz and produced by Blue Coyote Theatre Group), which opens on June 3rd. Here's what he has to say.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Because it is about Matthew Freeman, who you've never heard of, and how important he is. That last part is true.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
The Sophetic Dialectic of Post Partumnus. Post Partumnus was a philosophist, whose bones are currently dated at having been living bones in or around 405 BC. He wrote: "Sophocles' work makes me piss my pants. He is whimsical and I prefer whimsy to other forms of humor." He wrote this in Greek. He also wrote stuff about the Peloponnesian War, and man, those words were something. He also was the first male Greek to carry a male child to term in his man-womb. The baby did not survive, but Post Partumnus's name lives on.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Barthes! You cad! Get this man another Scotch. Neat, you imbecile! This is Roland Barthes!

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
I tend to explain to the audience, in every instant, exactly what is happening on the stage so they do not miss any of my literary allusions and brilliantly fractured narratives. In this way, they shall be taught what a play is. If this doesn't alienate them, then the only response left to them is gratefulness.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Nothing.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
"Members of the Brick Theater... I accept this Award on behalf of the Working Class, who cannot speak for themselves; and my parents, who should never have gotten divorced."

ILLUSTRATION (II)

INTERROGATION (III): PROJECT 365

The lovely and talented Miriam Daly is Irving Berlin's great-great-niece. Every day she writes a song and takes a photo, and she will be presenting a special performance of these daily musical reveries under the rubric of Project 365 at the special Pretentious edition of Brick-a-Brac on Sunday, June 3. (More information, as always, is available at bricktheater.com/pretentious) She has submitted to our rigorous questioning with the following results:

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
I sing words like "cyclooxygenase." ("Ibuprofin" 11/09/06)

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Obviously, one of the influences on my work is the Xiuhpohualli. I'm very into time constraints and numbers, and the Xiuhpohualli was an Aztec calendar cycle constructed from a count of 365 days.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Not only can an artiste with short arms never make a fine gesture, they also have a hard time reaching the pull-chain to turn on ceiling fans.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
I will alienate my audience by never singing a song about heartbreak or true love, but may instead sing about the history of maraschino cherries, or the inflatable Union Rat. My audience will also be alienated by the fact that they will get to choose some songs, but will have to choose BLINDLY - just by date, without seeing the picture or knowing the title.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Hermits like me don't just have one enemy - the entire outside world and all the other shows included in that world are full of craziness and chaos that we'd prefer to avoid.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
"Thank you. Without your support I would have never received this award. Which I guess makes me co-dependent. Which probably goes well with my OCD...."

INTERROGATION (II): THIS IS THE NEW AMERICAN THEATRE

Reclusive billionaire and Brooklyn native Danny Bowes has written, with persecuted gadfly Tom X. Chao, a Pretentious Festival show that states its mission in its title: This Is the New American Theatre. Between bouts of crafting innovation out of shapeless matter using such tools as nudity and excessive self-absorption, Bowes has taken some time to answer our questionnaire. Here are his answers. (This Is the New American Theatre opens on Saturday, June 2nd - find out more about it at bricktheater.com/pretentious)

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Two guys. One medium. Total reinvention.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Since the whole point of the show is that it's the NEW American Theatre, the only influences on this show are Danny Bowes and Tom X. Chao. However, I still get the extra points because for some reason no one can pronounce "Bowes." (It's like "oh" not "ow" . . . "ow" is what happens when I smack you for mispronouncing my name.)

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Monsieur Barthes is, of course, being French, both pretentious and absolutely right. Both myself (Danny Bowes) and Tom X. Chao are in the neighborhood of six feet tall and, thus, have arms of sufficient length to make fine gestures, including the metaphoric extension of the middle finger to all theatrical traditions which preceded our much-needed reinvention of the medium.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
We intend to alienate all theatergoers who like bad theater. Anyone looking for a boring show where the actors are unfunny and wear clothes is sure to be disappointed.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
All other shows in the Pretentious Festival are our sworn ideological enemies for they either: a) are based in theatrical traditions that are neither new nor American; b) fail to adhere to the principles governing the New American Theatre outlined in our show; c) have actresses who are less hot and less naked than ours; or d) suck.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
Gist? I'll give you the whole speech: "You're welcome."

ILLUMINATION

Today represents a landmark occasion in the history of broadcast media, the history of art, and humanity in general. For it is the day that we unveil the long-awaited, slaved-over, soon-to-be-reviled, epoch-making, sense-enhancing, mutually-exclusive, mystic-mongering, profoundly abstruse, esoterically erudite, hermetically obscure, adverbally adjectival opus THE PRETENTIOUS FILM: THE MOST PRETENTIOUS FILM ON EARTH. It is directed by Tom Gubernat, auteur of the ages. Don’t even pretend your life hasn’t been changed.

INTERROGATION (I): NIHILS

We recently posed a series of questions to all of our Pretentious shows, so you, the readers, can get an idea how to mentally prepare yourselves for the artistic onslaught they will endeavor to provide. The following responses were provided by the estimable Mr. Trav S.D., author of the vaudeville history No Applause, Just Throw Money and the inventor of quoits. His show Nihils will open on June 16.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
To paraphrase the blind lounge singer in Airport ’77, pretentiousness is “in the eyes of the beholder.” The Latin root from which the word springs means literally “holding [something] in front of oneself.” In a sense, all speech, all representation, is a similar feint, or dodge – a “shield” of (non)communication behind which to hide. Falsity and mask are the nature of the beast. The pretentiousness (or unpretentiousness… tentiousness?) of the current work is a matter of degree, then, not of kind. To grossly misrepresent a remark of Bertrand Russell’s: “If I am not pretentious…what am I?’

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Baudrillard, Foucault, Bazin, Kant, Dostoyevsky, Joyce, Becket, T.S. Elliot, the Beats, Jim Morrison, Gertrude Stein, Sartre, Kierkegard, Nietzsche, Byron, Blake, Heidegger, Artaud, Adolphe Appia, Marshall McLuhan, Christian Metz, Stephen Hawking, Laurie Anderson, David Byrne, Robert Oppenheimer, Lenny Bruce, the Velvet Underground, Jerry Lewis, Brecht & Max Reinhardt.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote “For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture.” Explicate.
Theatre must not only address man’s primal nature, but his primate nature. Before man was pretensile, he was prehensile. The first theatrical audiences were austrolopithicenes, circa one million B.C. Savannah-dwellers mainly, they would periodically return to their Edenic mother, the arboreal habitat from which they sprang. Ensconced in the canopy, they would munch fruit and watch specialized members of their community enact rude frolics not substantially different from modern rock concerts, wrestling matches, and situation comedies. The long arms to which Barthes refers apply not so much to the performer as to the audience, who must rely on these appendages to ascend and navigate the branches…and (being prelingual) gesticulate their approval or disapproval of the performance. (This, too, some speculate, is the origin of clapping. Thalidomide babies and others can attest – when your arms are too short, you cannot clap.)

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
If I have not already alienated the audience with my last sentence, then there is nowhere to go but down. As for the performance, I don’t wish to tip my hand too much. Suffice it to say that the entire piece is composed of “cells” or “units” of alienation, based upon the principle of the Hegelian dialectic. From first to last, from Alpha to Omega, there is no theatrical moment within the piece that does not fold in against itself, in implied or self-evident replication of the Curved Space Theory.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Myself. Those who see the piece will be the first to agree – surely I am my own worst enemy.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
I intend to send an American Indian in my stead, who will give a brief speech about the historical mistreatment of his people.

VENDITION

Though we prefer to consider ourself above such pettiness, we cannot deny that we are members of a mercantile society. As such, tickets are now on sale for all Pretentious Festival shows. We invite the hoi polloi to hand us their hard-earned wages in exchange for the privilege of enlightenment. They may do so at

www.bricktheater.com/pretentious

or

HERE.

We advise you to beat your drums, raise your flags, and mobilize the masses - to such degree as you can manage to do so without ruffling your hard-won sense of icy self-regard.

ILLUSTRATION (I)

In February, we at the Pretentious Festival embarked upon what is destined to be among the most influential projects in the canon of post-post-modern art: the creation of Pretentious Imagery. A short film is in the offing, and a number of photos were taken (by one Tim Brown) of Pretentious goings-on at The Brick, featuring a number of Pretentious Artists who will be featured in our Festival. We will sporadically share this imagery with you, starting today. Click each image for full glory, and attempt to enjoy.