ALTERATION

It has just come to our attention that one of our productions, formerly entitled ULTIMO: THE LAST ONE-MAN SHOW is changing its title to ROCKBERRY: THE LAST ONE-MAN SHOW (A PLAY). To reflect this shift, we would like to include a new anagram (featuring only the main title, because otherwise it's too damn long). Actually, I'm not sure which I prefer:

CRY, BROKER!

or

ERR BY ROCK

Probably the first one, huh?

ANNOUNCEMENT

The satisfaction we take in our work is only of the grimmest variety. We are working from a mandate that surpasses everyday activity, making such activities as "bloggery" a distasteful chore at best. But in order to reach our intended audience of three or four worthy, enlightened individuals, compromises must be made.

Please take note of the Announcement of Our Pretentious Shows, findable on bricktheater.com. The information that you seek will reside there in its clearest form. However, for those individuals that, like us, prefer to view factual information through more challenging lenses, we present the following list of show titles in anagram form. As you decipher your own show or the shows of others in the list, please attempt to enjoy.

THE 1 BATHED Q[U]ALM
ACCELERATED INK ZIP JOTS ON A HEM
AESTHETICS SHIT OP
BOGGLE A HIP GENTEEL CAD VENTING TIN MIRTH
A CAD NOW RUNS TO EYETEETH PRIMERS
CECA: A MILLINER UPROOTS US
CLEARHEADED GINSENG: A NEON LENT
A COFFINED FURL TRUTH
CROP JET 365
FLEETEST DEB, OH, WE GONG
GEE, HI! KILL WOOL STORMS ON
HIS NIL
HI TO MY SMUT REFERENCE
HIM WIN A LAST HELL
I MOULT
IN THONG
A MACERATED DIM LIMO LIES
THE PRETEEN TOURIST: A CAB
RABBI CRACK
SLITHERY ENGINEER CEDE A THIN TRIP
A SOY-PROOF SUN ACCLIMATES/SEXY FORD FIN
A TOM WHO BEWITCH TURDS
TRY A WRY RIPE VELVETEEN
A TWIN IN TRIM SEETHES HEARTACHES
VENIAL GENE
A VINO AGE ROTS WORRY
VIOLENT NUNS I
WET DORK RUINS YUKS
WHEREVER I HUNT IT: A HOT WIT

ACCEPTANCE

It is with grim satisfaction that we prepare to announce the discrete quanta of stage-based probing that have been selected to perform in The Brick Theater’s Pretentious Festival in June of 2007.

Many interlocuters will no doubt raise the query: how was this particular aggregation of spectacles designated for public exhibition? The full span of secrets regarding our process, in addition to causing severe bafflement for the vast majority of readers, are subject to intense proprietary protectiveness. However, we can allow you access to a few choice details of our modus operandi.

One of the first tasks executed was a close chemical analysis of the papers on which the applications arrived. If the molecular makeup of these sheets did not meet our exacting standards, the offending rags were picked up with magnesium tongs and deposited in a chrome wastebin.

More important was our examination of each application’s aura. The committee counted among its membership a licensed aura expert, who would sleep with each application under her pillow at night, offering a full report in the morning of what colors she dreamt of. An intricate spectral calculus ensued, which often spelled the difference between wholehearted embrace and sneering dismissal.

Finally, we questioned the contents of each application. We asked ourselves: would an average audience member pay hard-earned money to sit and watch this work? If the answer was no, the application had an excellent shot at being accepted.

Myriad other analyses and substantiations were exercised as we made our final decisions. As the artists’ grateful, cringing responses trickle in, we are preparing to post them en masse, for your discernment.