EXPOSURE (II): NYTHEATRECAST

For those of you who have never heard me blather on at end about topics theatrical, your luck is about to change. I was recently interviewed by Michael Criscuolo for an installment of the Nytheatrecast, on the subject of The Pretentious Festival and various shows appertaining thereto. Listen to it HERE. Bonus points for anyone who can point out my embarrassing (and repeated) mispronunciation of a word crucial to the theme of one of the Festival shows!

ILLUSTRATION (III)

Ooh! Ooh! I figured it out! A CAPTION CONTEST! Like the New Yorker, only more pretentious. Take the time to leave a comment featuring your ideal caption for this photograph. The winner will receive a stuffy nod of approval and the right not to be made fun of during the next go-round.

EXPOSURE (I): THE NEW YORK TIMES

In Sunday's issue of the New York Times, there is a section called Summer Stages. Since The Pretentious Festival takes place in the summer, it is listed and expounded upon, thanks to one Jason Zinoman. We will reproduce the text (with addenda), but we also encourage you to visit it in its native habitat HERE.

• THE PRETENTIOUS FESTIVAL Williamsburg, Brooklyn, June 1-30 [sic]. Does any company (outside of Les Freres Corbusier) market its shows better than the Brick Theater? [No.] This outfit understands the first rule of getting attention: You got to have a gimmick. [To refer to our creative decisions in this manner diminishes our unique achievement.] The last two summers have brought us the $ellout Festival and the Moral Values Festival, but this year they may have topped themselves [inevitably], ironically (I think) [wrong] embracing the black-turtleneck-wearing aesthete inside us all [actually, only in those of us who are special, talented and intelligent enough]. The shows include the self-explanatory “Macbeth Without Words”; “The Children of Truffaut,” about ’70s art house cinema; and John DeVore’s “Sophisticates,” about two self-important bloggers [a rare breed indeed]. In his press release, the co-artistic director, Michael Gardner, boasts, “The Brick is as self-indulgent and impenetrable as the most oblique and experimental performance organizations in the city.” [Duh.] Them’s fighting words. [See you in the ring, Mr. Zinoman!] (212) 352-3101, bricktheater.com/pretentious.

INTERROGATION (IV): INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

Matthew Freeman is a writer, a blogger, a lover, a fighter, a graduate of the Sorbonne, a smoker, a joker, a midnight toker, a member of the American Enterprise Institute, and a blogger. He performs in his own Pretentious Festival show, Interview With the Author (directed by Kyle Ancowitz and produced by Blue Coyote Theatre Group), which opens on June 3rd. Here's what he has to say.

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Because it is about Matthew Freeman, who you've never heard of, and how important he is. That last part is true.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
The Sophetic Dialectic of Post Partumnus. Post Partumnus was a philosophist, whose bones are currently dated at having been living bones in or around 405 BC. He wrote: "Sophocles' work makes me piss my pants. He is whimsical and I prefer whimsy to other forms of humor." He wrote this in Greek. He also wrote stuff about the Peloponnesian War, and man, those words were something. He also was the first male Greek to carry a male child to term in his man-womb. The baby did not survive, but Post Partumnus's name lives on.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Barthes! You cad! Get this man another Scotch. Neat, you imbecile! This is Roland Barthes!

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
I tend to explain to the audience, in every instant, exactly what is happening on the stage so they do not miss any of my literary allusions and brilliantly fractured narratives. In this way, they shall be taught what a play is. If this doesn't alienate them, then the only response left to them is gratefulness.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Nothing.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
"Members of the Brick Theater... I accept this Award on behalf of the Working Class, who cannot speak for themselves; and my parents, who should never have gotten divorced."

ILLUSTRATION (II)

INTERROGATION (III): PROJECT 365

The lovely and talented Miriam Daly is Irving Berlin's great-great-niece. Every day she writes a song and takes a photo, and she will be presenting a special performance of these daily musical reveries under the rubric of Project 365 at the special Pretentious edition of Brick-a-Brac on Sunday, June 3. (More information, as always, is available at bricktheater.com/pretentious) She has submitted to our rigorous questioning with the following results:

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
I sing words like "cyclooxygenase." ("Ibuprofin" 11/09/06)

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Obviously, one of the influences on my work is the Xiuhpohualli. I'm very into time constraints and numbers, and the Xiuhpohualli was an Aztec calendar cycle constructed from a count of 365 days.

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Not only can an artiste with short arms never make a fine gesture, they also have a hard time reaching the pull-chain to turn on ceiling fans.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
I will alienate my audience by never singing a song about heartbreak or true love, but may instead sing about the history of maraschino cherries, or the inflatable Union Rat. My audience will also be alienated by the fact that they will get to choose some songs, but will have to choose BLINDLY - just by date, without seeing the picture or knowing the title.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
Hermits like me don't just have one enemy - the entire outside world and all the other shows included in that world are full of craziness and chaos that we'd prefer to avoid.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
"Thank you. Without your support I would have never received this award. Which I guess makes me co-dependent. Which probably goes well with my OCD...."

INTERROGATION (II): THIS IS THE NEW AMERICAN THEATRE

Reclusive billionaire and Brooklyn native Danny Bowes has written, with persecuted gadfly Tom X. Chao, a Pretentious Festival show that states its mission in its title: This Is the New American Theatre. Between bouts of crafting innovation out of shapeless matter using such tools as nudity and excessive self-absorption, Bowes has taken some time to answer our questionnaire. Here are his answers. (This Is the New American Theatre opens on Saturday, June 2nd - find out more about it at bricktheater.com/pretentious)

What exactly makes your show so damn pretentious anyway?
Two guys. One medium. Total reinvention.

Name some obscure influences on your work – extra points for unpronounceability.
Since the whole point of the show is that it's the NEW American Theatre, the only influences on this show are Danny Bowes and Tom X. Chao. However, I still get the extra points because for some reason no one can pronounce "Bowes." (It's like "oh" not "ow" . . . "ow" is what happens when I smack you for mispronouncing my name.)

The late Roland Barthes once wrote "For the theatre one needs long arms; it is better to have them too long than too short. An artiste with short arms can never, never make a fine gesture." Explicate.
Monsieur Barthes is, of course, being French, both pretentious and absolutely right. Both myself (Danny Bowes) and Tom X. Chao are in the neighborhood of six feet tall and, thus, have arms of sufficient length to make fine gestures, including the metaphoric extension of the middle finger to all theatrical traditions which preceded our much-needed reinvention of the medium.

In what ways do you plan on alienating your audience? Cite an intentionally opaque or confusing moment within your production.
We intend to alienate all theatergoers who like bad theater. Anyone looking for a boring show where the actors are unfunny and wear clothes is sure to be disappointed.

Which other Pretentious Festival show will you declare as your sworn ideological enemy, and why?
All other shows in the Pretentious Festival are our sworn ideological enemies for they either: a) are based in theatrical traditions that are neither new nor American; b) fail to adhere to the principles governing the New American Theatre outlined in our show; c) have actresses who are less hot and less naked than ours; or d) suck.

Please give us the gist of the acceptance speech you would use were you to win one of our Pretentious Awards.
Gist? I'll give you the whole speech: "You're welcome."